From The Archives:: Tricia, Photographer and Roller Derby Player

Slammin’, aka Tricia who I knew first in our photog circles, and then in our roller derby lives. A person of many talents, lover of dogs, and cracker of jokes. And another person I know who has had a fair amount of life changes as result of the Covid.

No work? No derby? Time to get back to the artist you are! What she’s been creating during this time has been some beautiful coasters and plant holders. It’s been one of my highlights when I sign into social media to see one of her videos showing her creative process. Art and creativity has definitely been what I have turned to during all of this, and I know I am not alone in that. Combine that with her past as a social worker, and she has a lot to share about getting through times like this.

Like everyone in this project, Tricia shared these words with me weeks before the protests. But her words remain relevant whether we are in a pandemic, a fight for civil rights, and any other uncertainty that comes along with big life shifts.

Slammin T Jammin at Maine Roller Derby Practice at the Portland Expo, sitting on the sidelines due to some shoulder pain.

Slammin T Jammin at Maine Roller Derby Practice at the Portland Expo, sitting on the sidelines due to some shoulder pain.

Name:  Tricia Jamiol

Occupation/Business: Formerly an operations manager at a small local business, but have since been laid off due to COVID.  And owner of Tricia Jamiol Photography.

1. What is one notable change in your life since Covid19 has changed how we are able to do things? Covid19 has changed everything in my life. I was originally told to work from home back in mid March, prior to the city of Portland issuing their shelter in place order.  I was then furloughed once the order went through, and a few days after that, completely laid off.  I went from a very predictable 60+ hours where I'd be out of the house working or playing roller derby each week to suddenly having a vast amount of time that I somehow needed to fill. 

It has also completely changed how I do life outside of my home. Masks are now a requirement, as far as I'm concerned, and my fiancée and I try to venture out once every two weeks to go food shopping and get any essentials we need from places like CVS or the pet store.  I hated food shopping before this pandemic, so I really hate going now.  Paying attention to all the rules, making sure I distance myself from other people, some of which who don't seem as concerned as I do about it, and wiping everything down when we get home is mentally exhausting.  I am a former social worker and 100% realize that all of us are living through a prolonged traumatic experience. That repeated exposure, for me, means that I typically have a couple of days where I can't do much and it's taken me a while to realize that 1) I don't need to be productive to the standards we had prior to Covid19 and 2) having those breaks and space to process, cope, grieve, is absolutely necessary. 

The other thing it's changed for me is my ability to play roller derby. Derby has been a constant in my life for the past three years.  Every week I knew where I would be on Monday, Wednesday and Thursdays for hours at a time. I would look forward to our Saturday bouts on an almost monthly basis and even the Sunday morning hangover bouts where my body was absolutely exhausted from playing the night before but there was no place else in the world I'd rather be.  I sometimes spent 12 hours a week doing derby related things. Covid ripped all of that away from me seemingly without warning.  As I'm writing about all of these changes, writing about missing roller derby is bringing tears to my eyes.  I miss my friends, I miss my ability to exercise, I miss being able to go to the gym twice a week for cross training.  I miss the body that I had from all of those workouts that so quickly slipped away once everything shut down. I miss the feeling of skating fast and hitting my friends at full speed while jamming.  I even miss waking up the next morning feeling like I got hit by a mack truck.  We've had a few Zoom meetings, which is nice because we can see each other, but missing roller derby hurts.  It also hurts knowing that even as states begin to open up, we won't be able to play such a contact-intensive sport for a very, very long time. 

2. What has been most challenging? See above re: derby.  Whenever I am grieving the loss of normalcy, 99.9% of the time it's because I'm missing derby.

3. Have you found any silver linings you care to share? Going from having no free time due to my job, roller derby, and my photography business, to ending up with what seems like an endless amount of free time, has given me a silver lining during this whole situation.  I've been able to throw myself back into my art.  Art, prior to derby, was how I processed things, how I de-stressed, and how I connected with myself on a deeper level. Sometime within the past year I stumbled upon epoxy and resin art on Instagram.  I had been wanting to try it for a while but I didn't feel like I had the time to do so.  I also had absolutely no idea where to start or what I needed to buy for it, so even researching it seemed unobtainable because of my busy schedule.  As soon as I was able to work from home I decided to buy the necessary supplies and give making coasters a shot.  Due to not having any patience, I completely botched my first set, as they never cured and were sticky and horrible-looking. It took another try with a bit more patience to get a new set to cure properly, and from there I've just been experimenting with different pigments and techniques and I'm having a blast with it.  The coasters have been super popular and I'm starting to branch out into different types of coasters (haha, this just cracks me up for some reason) as well as experimenting with alcohol inks, which is another type of fluid art.  You can make coasters out of alcohol ink, too!  I HAVE SO MANY COASTERS!  

Covid19 has given me the gift of being able to find a medium that would potentially allow me to create art for a living, which is something I've always wanted to do.  I am absolutely horrified by what it is doing to the world, but also, somehow, grateful for it.  It is a weird juxtaposition that I have some serious cognitive dissonance with, but I'm working on accepting the fact that sometimes, bad things happen and good things are able to bloom because of it. 

4. Are there any shifts you are hoping to stay in place as we move forward?

Going forward, when things return to "normal" I truly hope that I'm able to grow my art making in a way that allows me to do it for a living.  I've always wanting to work from home and have always wanting to be able to support myself through my art.  My photography business was a small way that I was able to tap into some of that, but because I focus on weddings, I never felt that I could fully devote myself to doing it full time. 

5. What are you most looking forward to being able to do again?

Hitting my friends!! When we finally have the ability to practice again with contact, I will literally be the happiest person in the whole world.  I cannot wait for roller derby to start up again.  With the news of Happy Wheels likely being able to open back up this fall, I am stoked. 

6. Anything else you want to share..?

I hope, after all is said and done, that we as a human race wake up. With the way things are currently, it makes me anxious to read up on the news. There's so much hate and greed that I can't really comprehend any of it.  I feel that this virus has brought humans to our knees, and in doing so, we were given a gift of a healing planet and the ability to see our impact on it, as well as each other. I hope, after all is said and done that humans can learn to be more kind. More kind to each other, to other living things and to our planet. 

Also, and I think this is super important: that people be kind to themselves in times like these.  I was a facilitator at the Center for Grieving Children for 14 years.  I helped run bereavement groups and during my time there I facilitated every children's group between the ages of 3 and 18 years old.  I've learned that with death, we need to grieve in order to come out the other side of it. Connecting with others who are sharing similar losses, talking about struggles, life, and accomplishments, and hearing others' stories is incredibly important when it comes to healing one's heart.  Obviously, we are losing so many people to this virus.  Being in Maine, I feel we are lucky in that our number of causalities and infections is relatively low compares to other places in the country, but with that said, we are still going through something incredibly hard.  You may not have directly lost someone, but you have definitely lost a sense of safety, normalcy, or predictability.  Those losses are huge and each of us has the right to grieve the loss of those things that are important to us.  I haven't seen my parents, sister and her family since early January.  I miss them terribly.  Thankfully, we have FaceTime, which is huge, but it doesn't replace the ability see, touch, and be with those people. Some days I am a grumpy asshole, other days I'm bawling at commercials on TV, some days I take naps for 3 hours because that's all I can handle that day.  I think it is important for others to know that this is okay.  That it's okay to take a break from life, whether that's cleaning up the house, or doing whatever chore you set out to do that day.  If you don't have the ability to take that break, then reach out to someone you trust and chat with them.  Share your feelings. They're probably feeling the same!  We are all in this together, and if there's one thing I've learned from the Center it's that those with shared experiences tend to feel more at ease knowing that someone else walking the same path they are.  Obviously, we don't wish bad things to happen to others so they can walk on a crappy path with us, but if life throws you a curve ball that you need to deal with, it's nice to have company or a listening ear.

***

Thanks Slammin’! Thanks for sharing so much whether it’s your words or your creativity. Looking forward to 1. Skating with you and 2. taking a coaster making class with you. Because, YES, I was and still am serious about that!





From The Archives:: Jess/Meow of Maine Roller Derby

Meow is what we call her in the derby world, but in her professional world she is Jessica (Jess? I don’t even know because although I do find myself in pieces of the real estate world, our paths don’t cross in that arena. Only in roller derby). Meow is an amazing derby player and also a great team mate. So, I reached out to her for my project.

This photo of her was taken at the former Happy Wheels (RIP). Hopefully one day we will get back to gathering in closed spaces with skates on, or to cheer on our friends in skates. But until then, I will continue to share a few more stories of these cool people I know who are trying to find their way in this new normal that keeps shifting….

Meow’n Em Down getting ready to do what she does during a closed Maine Roller Derby Scrimmage at Happy Wheels a few winters ago…

Meow’n Em Down getting ready to do what she does during a closed Maine Roller Derby Scrimmage at Happy Wheels a few winters ago…

Name:  Jessica Locke/ Meow

Occupation: Real Estate Appraiser

“ A lot has been challenging since COVID-19, but, probably the hardest part has been finding motivation.  Typically, I'm highly self-motivated, complete daily checklists, etc but I find myself excusing more breaks (Netflix) from whatever I am suppose to be accomplishing.  It's difficult to readjust my focus on what a "productive day" might look like now that I'm utilizing different systems/resources than before. 

A silver lining to this situation is the amount of quality time with my husband, Josh.  Honestly, at the beginning of shelter-in-place I thought we would end up fighting more but we really haven't. With nothing but time to share full and complete thoughts our ability to actually understand each other seems to have grown. Hopefully I didn't just jinx the whole situation. 

I most look forward to being able to travel again. Particularly,  we've had to push back going to see family in New York several times.  It's emotionally taxing not to know when trips like that will be able to happen.”

***

Thanks Meowmeow! Looking forward to seeing you in real time again and hoping that also involves roller skates ❤️

From The Archives:: Melissa, Art Teacher

Frida/Melissa is one of my roller derby pals. As an art teacher and a person I love photographing, I knew I wanted to ask her to be part of this project. I had no photo in mind when I reached out to her WEEKS ago, so she got back to me real quick before I was ready for a post. I found this image that I have love but had my own hesitations in using. Things I notice that make me think ‘oh maybe not for instagram.’ But this project has not only allowed me to hear from people during all the Covid concerns but also got me to loosen up about some of the images I wasn’t super sure about sharing.

So, yes she shared this with me several weeks ago and some things have shifted and school has ended for the year as of this week, it is still relevant and an important part of this project to hear her perspective. Especially since she is currently in quarantine in order to have surgery in the coming days….

Frida Rockit coaching the Maine Roller Deber RIP Tides at Happy Wheels in Portland, Maine.

Frida Rockit coaching the Maine Roller Deber RIP Tides at Happy Wheels in Portland, Maine.

Name: Melissa Prescott (aka Frida Rockit)

Occupation/Business:  Middle School Visual Art Teacher

1. What is one notable change in your life since Covid19 has changed how we are able to do things?
 I work as a middle school visual art teacher - and my birthday, March 13, was likely the last day I'll teach kids in person this school year. Like all teachers, I'm working hard and doing my best to teach my students remotely.

2. What has been most challenging?
Not being able to teach in person is very challenging, as is not being able to visit with friends and loved ones - but video calls are helping. However, I think the most challenging part for me is the anxiety that comes with knowing that my loved ones who are immunocompromised are likely to have serious health complications if they catch the virus. Thinking that they could be in a hospital, in a life-threatening situation, and I wouldn’t be able to see them is terrifying.   It’s also infuriating to know that people are now more at-risk and will have to continue sheltering in place EVEN LONGER because some people refuse to follow basic CDC safety rules. It’s a disgrace that local law-enforcement agencies, who are are already overwhelmed with domestic violence calls, now have to divert precious resources to answer calls about businesses that are putting people’s lives at risk for profit and politics.  It’s also a disgrace that businesses and employees that have lost their income due to following the rules to keep people safe are still not getting the income support that was promised by our government. 

3. Have you found any silver linings you care to share?
Even though remote learning is challenging, I've been able to connect with and support my students online, and that helps me feel like I’m making a difference. A local arts organization (BAAM - Bethel Area Arts and Music) donated money so we could get free art supplies out to our kids, and it was awesome to share this news with them and see how much this brightened their day. The positive feedback that I’m seeing from students and parents about the work that teachers are doing is uplifting.  It’s also encouraging to see how many people are finally realizing that schools do so much more than teach content. 

Another silver lining is the connections I've been able to have with friends on Zoom. While it’s not the same as seeing each other in person, I’ve been able to talk frequently with many people that I didn’t normally see or talk to very often before the pandemic. It’s so easy to get caught up in the routine of daily life, but in the absence of that, it's very comforting to feel the support of my friends and loved ones from afar.  I'm even more grateful now for the friendships that I've developed and maintained with many people over the years - they have helped keep me afloat when I feel like I might be drowning.

4. Are there any shifts you are hoping to stay in place as we move forward?
I hope everybody remembers how important healthy relationships with people really are, and how critical they are for supporting us when we’re going through hard times. I hope everybody has a better understanding of how critical it is to have social safety nets in place in our country, because anybody can fall on hard times through no fault of their own.  I hope that people have a better understanding of the deadly consequences of science denial, and are more likely to listen to the warnings of doctors and scientists. I also hope that people support their local public schools and teachers with even more energy than before. This is a long road, and we’re not out of the woods yet.

5. What are you most looking forward to being able to do again?
What I’m most looking forward to is being able to see my loved ones face-to-face when it's finally safe for them to stop sheltering in place.

6. Anything else you want to share..?
I also really miss my Maine Roller Derby family, and the supportive routines that I had as part of the MRD organization. I hope that we can find a new normal soon, and return to play when it is safe to do so. In the meantime, we’re supporting each other the best we can through the magic of the interwebs, and the foundation of trust and respect that that comes with true roller derby love. 
I also know that I’m very privileged to still have my health, a job with income and health coverage, supportive friends and family, and a safe place to live - I wish the for the same for everyone, and I'll continue to do my part to have a positive impact on my community.

Frida after a roller derby bout at the Portland Expo.

Frida after a roller derby bout at the Portland Expo.

Thank you, Frida/Melissa for sharing your story and for always being so fun, passionate, and enthusiastic about everything. I miss laughing with you over silly stuff while stretching at the end of derby practice. Now heal up and stay healthy!

xo

From The Archives:: Kate, Writer & Film Maker

Kate. Kate & Betsy. I used Kate’s words but had to use this photo of the two of them, from a spontaneous run-in one day as I was leaving a shoot, saw them in their driveway and jumped out with my camera and possibly startled them both, but then we laughed and caught up and I took this photo of them. I love it. I love moments like that. Even if I do scare people by yelling out my window at them.

Before the Covid came to town we have worked on several collaborative projects of theirs, shared many stories, ideas, and eats in their kitchen, and were starting a winter game night when suddenly we weren’t going into each other’s homes anymore. Someday we’ll get back to sharing those moments. But today I’ll share Kate’s story and a photo I took on a random cold day…..

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Kate Kaminski, Writer/Filmmaker (About to be Former Adjunct Professor)

1. What is one notable change in your life since Covid19 has changed how we are able to do things?

I really miss being in a classroom with my students. I’m teaching my final semester of college film studies this month, so I’m a little sad I won’t get to have that “last class” and be able to give these past 20 years of my working life a proper farewell. (I guess I’ll have to find another way!)

2. What has been most challenging?

Worry and stress, compounded by a fairly significant life change. This is one scary virus and I definitely don’t want to risk getting it so going out is fraught.

3. Have you found any silver linings you care to share?

I’m finding a lot of inspiration working in my garden. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have had this much time to dig in the dirt, move plants and tidy up. I wish you could come over and hang out in it with me because it's looking really good:)

4. Are there any shifts you are hoping to stay in place as we move forward?

I’d like to think that we will all be more aware of the huge contributions of service workers (of all types) to our overall, collective quality of life and learn how to be kinder and more appreciative of each other. I won’t miss having to shake hands, so that can go away forever. But mostly, I truly hope this terrible event helps us move toward a more equitable society for all people, especially the most disadvantaged among us.

5. What are you most looking forward to being able to do again?

I look forward to being able to hang out with friends again. I keenly miss my friends.

****

Let’s also give it up for Kate who just finished up 20 years of teaching. In the middle of a pandemic. What a strange way to end a huge life chapter (or entire book)…

Thanks Kate! I too look forward to hanging with my friends. Very Much xoxo

From The Archives:: Blake from Coast 93.1

You may know this guy, or at least you may have heard his voice on your radio in the morning if you live in Southern Maine. Whenever I see him he has a smile and a hug for me and makes the time to chat and laugh, even if we are both working. He is often a welcome and familiar face at any event I may run into him.

And plus, this photo is pretty classic Blake. I like an image of someone that makes me think I would probably get along with that person. Perhaps this is actually how I approach photographing people more often than I was aware.

This project is teaching me so much! Ha!

Blake, on a rooftop in 2019.

Blake, on a rooftop in 2019.

Blake Hayes
Occupation/Business:  radio personality / morning show host (coast 93.1)

What is one notable change in your life since Covid19 has changed how we are able to do things?

I miss my friends! Of course we talk and text and video call often, but human connection is important to me. I miss being able to hug the people I love, and hug the people who start as strangers and could become friends.

Have you found any silver linings you care to share?

I have never felt more grateful to have a job, and a job that seems to mean something to people. Every day that we are on the radio, I feel like we are doing our show specifically for the front line.  Because I’m lucky enough to still be working, I have been trying to support the local restaurants by getting takeout as often as I can. It’s a spoiled way to be living in these times, but it has given me something to look forward to each day: what amazing restaurant will I call today?!  Plus, it’s been a nice way to connect with the community, even if just for a masked hand-off.   

Are there any shifts you are hoping to stay in place as we move forward?

I think we have all connected with people in a deeper and more important way than we did before. I know I have reached out to friends who I hadn’t reached out to in awhile. And I’ve heard from people who I hadn’t talked to recently. I hope that continues! Life has slowed down. And sometimes it would be good to do that again.

What are you most looking forward to being able to do again?

Hug people!! Of all the things I miss right now, hugging people is number one. But I also can’t wait to sit at a bar, have a conversation with the bartender, without some homemade stitched cloth separating our faces, as I wait for friends to arrive, hug, and be close with one another.

***

Thanks, Blake for being part of this and for always being a friendly face whenever I run into you. I am looking forward to getting a hug in when the time finally allows!

xo~ jb

From The Archives:: Jan, Midwife & Nurse

Jan is someone I have known for decades, and every few years we get to do family photos together. And because I love this photo of her in her kitchen in this shirt, I knew I needed to include her in this project. Besides, a nurse’s perspective is one we should definitely be hearing during this.

Thanks Jan for taking risks and making sacrifices every day to keep others healthy!

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Janice Locke 

Occupation/Business: Nurse Midwife, Central Maine Medical Center.

1. What is one notable change in your life since Covid19 has changed how we are able to do things?

Work is very different. We’re all being asked to use vacation days to save money for the organization. Some staff have been furloughed. Providers were asked to take a 10% pay deferment. Like most healthcare facilities, we are financially struggling. Office days, we’re doing a lot of Telehealth prenatal and postpartum visits. Routine appointments/procedures are being postponed. The hospital itself feels like a ghost town. When we get to work, we line up at the front door to be screened for symptoms and get our daily mask. Both staff and patients are required to mask. Labor patients can only have one support person- no big birthday parties. Expectant moms cannot leave the room to walk the halls in labor, nor use the labor tub  (that was a tough pill to swallow.) They have to wear that infernal mask when pushing out their baby which interferes with breathing. But we are fortunate at CMMC (so far) no laboring mother has had Covid, therefore has not had to face the impossible prospect of being separated from her infant after the birth. Of course, our unit is prepared to care for covid positive labor patients if/when the time comes. It feels like a very prolonged calm before the storm.  Everybody’s a little on edge and vigilant.

2. What has been most challenging?

My world has become smaller. I’m either at work or at home. I used to be out and about a lot: restaurants, concerts, road races, kid’s activities. I haven’t even seen my partner since March 17th. Because we both work in the medical field we are both higher risk to be exposed and spread virus to vulnerable people. We’re being conscientious, but it’s hard. 

3. Have you found any silver linings you care to share?

Well, even though I’m bringing in 10% less, I’m not spending much so I’ve actually been able to save a bit. For this I am very fortunate. I know so many are struggling.  Also it’s been nice having more quality, unstructured time with the kids. My kids are doing well and that always warms a mother’s heart.

4. Are there any shifts you are hoping to stay in place as we move forward?

Maybe more general awareness that we’re all connected. That our choices impact those around us. I love the sparks of kindness, helpfulness, generosity and compassion that arise when we look out for each other. It’s cliche, but we all really are in this together. I hope that spirit sticks around once we have treatments and vaccines. Oh, and I hope people keep washing their hands.

5. What are you most looking forward to being able to do again?

Seeing people, being social, hugging my parents. I just really miss hugs. I’m a total hugger

Jan and her daughters during our last family photo session.

Jan and her daughters during our last family photo session.

I am ready for one of those hugs when the time allows! Thanks Jan for sharing!

xo ~ jb

From The Archives * Gab of Mad Gab's

We are in strange times. And it seems like every day is a new adventure, a new challenge, a different step in what we can and can’t do. I am in the boat that we have both an obligation and an opportunity to be better citizens right now. This is our chance to slow down down and also step up. Listen to the experts, maintain social distance, find new ways of connecting and new ways of living our day to day.

But, no joke - I know that’s not easy!

So, I’m here with a new photo project. A dip into my archives and a reach into people’s current lives to see how they are doing, coping, adjusting, and if there are things they hope stick around as we try to start to move forward. The community of people my camera and I have spent time with are proving to be extra awesome on the human scale, so I am going to share their stories. Or small chunks of them.

If a pandemic teaches us anything, it may be who we can rely on when things get weird. The people who are trying to work and be good humans and do the right thing are the ones I want in my corner on any given day.

First up, Gab! Owner of Mad Gab’s and big time hugger, high energy problem solver, and feeder of all the people who enter her world….

Gabrielle Melchionda, owner of Mad Gab’s Inc.

Gabrielle Melchionda, owner of Mad Gab’s Inc.

Name: Gabrielle Melchionda
Occupation/Business: Mad Gab’s

1. What is one notable change in your life since Covid19 has changed how we are able to do things?  Having my crew work remotely or not at all. It’s very lonely and quiet, and on some days I feel like I did in my 20’s when I was a one-woman-show.  (except I’m almost 50 now, so I get tired way easier). I went from being on high-alert-disaster-recovery focused, to high anxiety, to calmer, focused, and determined. 


2. What has been most challenging? Not being able to hug people I love, and feed them. 


3. Have you found any silver linings you care to share? Yes! So many!  I have found a space for gratitude that feels significant. I’m appreciate inside, and quiet, despite my extrovert nature, I have re-discovered puzzles, and I’m cranking on my book! Also, like many small business owners, I feel like we’re all in this together. Most of the other disasters we’ve survived were ours alone, but in this moment there is solace in knowing we are all going to work through this together and somehow we will figure it out. 


4. Are there any shifts you are hoping to stay in place as we move forward? I am excited to continue my local farm delivery service, and morning self care ritual. 


5. What are you most looking forward to being able to do again?  I’m excited to share space, have dinner parties, and hug. (see #2)


6. Anything else you want to share..?  I want to share this: I believe that in spite of all the horrors and realities of what we’re going through, this is an involuntary pause that we can look at as possibility and promise, and I believe we will find our way. If we embrace what we are given, find gratitude and kindness, we will get through this, and perhaps, become better versions of ourselves.

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Having been to Gab’s place for dinner, I can say without hesitation that the world is a better place when you can meet in your friend’s kitchen and leave with a full belly and full heart.

Thank You, Gab for all you do and share. I’m honored to have you kick off this project! And looking forward to gathering around a table with you over eats and ‘all things welcome’ conversations.

xo ~ jb

You can follow along with this project on Instagram @judybeedlephotography :)

Give Me Your Huggy Smiles

Is it better to share past moments as a reminder or better to share present moments, even if they seem less happy? Is it too hard to see reminders of what you can’t be doing right now?

Maybe. For some. But for others we need the reminders. The smiles. The glimpses of moments that make us feel, that remind, that ground us both in the past and in the present, while looking forward to what may come. Folders and folders of images unshared, blog posts unpublished. And I find myself looking at my work differently these days.

Leaguemates! Maine Roller Derby skaters Slammin’, Wrex, and Ax at Happy Wheels, December 15, 2019.

Leaguemates! Maine Roller Derby skaters Slammin’, Wrex, and Ax at Happy Wheels, December 15, 2019.

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In December our local roller rink closed. This winter a story was published sharing news of the possibility of another rink to be built. In March the Corona Virus showed up on our shores and everything started to change and shift quickly. Weeks into school closures and stay at homes orders, I find images in my folders needing to be shared. Friends sharing final moments on skates, at a roller rink that no longer is, way before we knew that soon all sports and gatherings of people would also come to a halt.

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So, do we share these moments and risk feeling sad? Or do we share and remember and smile? Find a thing to focus on, a thing to get back to…?

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I think we share. We keep pushing forward and tell the stories and share the moments but somehow remember and focus on the now at the same time. Because believe me I never thought I would be so badly craving having my camera capture a hug between friends/family/teammates/strangers. I always knew that’s where it was for me, I never thought I would have to know what it feels like to not be chasing down those moments.

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So, while I normally gravitate to the photos where people are less camera aware, or are at least not mugging for the camera, I am suddenly wanting more and more of the silly huggy smiles FOR the camera. These shared bits of happiness between people.

So, YES I can’t wait to get back to gatherings of humans for my camera to capture. But I also know some things will be forever changed. And that is somehow ok, even if we don’t know yet what it means.

Last Maine Roller Derby bout at Happy Wheels, 12/15/19. Happy Wheels Skate Center, Portland, Maine.

Last Maine Roller Derby bout at Happy Wheels, 12/15/19. Happy Wheels Skate Center, Portland, Maine.

All images in this post were taken at Happy Wheels Skate Center, Warren Avenue, Portland, Maine on December 15th, 2019 during the final roller derby bout at that facility.

For now, we skate separately on our neighborhood streets and basement floors…. waiting for the days when we can gather in groups and skate our hearts out.

Be safe & don’t forget to hydrate!

xo ~ jb

In Times of Uncertainty, CREATE.

I haven’t known what to say lately. I have half written blog posts sitting unfinished. Then things got a little crazy and our cities and towns are in a holding pattern and people are being forced to stay home. Simple, mundane tasks now need to come with a strategic plan and a dose of caution. So my blogging silence has become even more so.

I have watched others panic, others adjust, new ways of working being implemented. The hardship and uncertainty getting to so many, and yet making us all better somehow. At least that’s my hope.

So, while I have a backlog of jobs to blog, my ongoing lovebutnotalways relationship with blogging is at another crossroads. A reminder that we photogs don’t always need to be showing what we are getting paid to do. We can share other things. Real life. Feeling uncertain. Business mistakes. Camera experiments. Images that don’t align with our current business or brand (many will not agree with me on this, but it’s ok for us to loosen the reigns every so often). I am here, working from home (which is my normal) but feeling a little isolated at this point and trying to make sure I don’t fall into a funk. Every image I want to share on the insta shows something we are not supposed to be doing right now, and I wobble between is this a thing I should be sensitive about and not share or is this a thing I should share with the reminder of hope for things we will get back to? YES. Both.

So, maybe this is the time to blog fun, happy life moments. Or images I love but don’t know where they fit in with what I do normally. A time to share and work on my craft/style/vision. This is a scary time for so many of us, but the artists are here to remind you that creating will help you through it. Creating whatever it is that brings you a slice of happy or calm or focus or even control (because that is what some may need right now) and it helps shift your brain and use parts you don’t always use in your everyday, working, living, cleaning, provide for your family kind of way.

Today I feel like I need go share some COLOR. Maybe another day it will be some gritty Black and White…

This photo of my nephew is what grabbed my attention today, both for the colors and for the feel. Plus, it’s so very Max.

Last year when the Neph hung out with friends for his birthday. Will they get to do that this year? Maybe on Zoom…

Last year when the Neph hung out with friends for his birthday. Will they get to do that this year? Maybe on Zoom…

Be good to each other. Take care of you. Find a place to put your focus and let’s see what good we can put out into the world. We got this!

{Maine Lifestyle Photographer}: Celebrating Day 21 of 21

Well. Here it is. Day 21. Day 21 of a challenge to blog for 21 days. Yikes/Wow/Yipppeeee!

Celebrate the things in life. Like getting your license. Or blogging for 21 days.

Celebrate the things in life. Like getting your license. Or blogging for 21 days.

Real Talk: that wasn't easy. I’m trying to think about the pros and cons of this challenge. But it’s probably simple: Cons were 1) it was a lot of work, 2) there were so many days where I simply didn’t want to or had no idea what to blog about, and 3) for me it’s a CON when I start to feel like it’s too much MEmeMe HI look at ME. I’m a little weird about that.

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But the PROS of course were I made the time, buckled in, created content, and I DID IT. Now there is actually more work out there and not just on hard drives. More stories shared. And for me, it’s worth it to get to share things that aren’t always about professional work.

Nephew.

Nephew.

Neighbors.

Neighbors.

I have times when what I am photographing for people is not my story to tell, not really my thing to share first.. Head Shots for professionals starting a new job or rebuilding a brand (not my story to share before they do!), Images for an organization working on their website and needing to put the imagery out to the world when they are ready (so get the images for them, and let them share when things are ready for the world to know about them), and lately some work that is sensitive because it involves humans trying to get established after many hard months of uncertainty. So many things I don’t share on the blog, but maybe can eventually when the timing is right and whatever dust needs to settle does.

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Dinner with friends/ celebrating birthdays.

Dinner with friends/ celebrating birthdays.

But I liked sharing little snippets of life and small moments in photos. I’d like to think I will continue to feel free to do that. I’m also hoping that from now on when the calendar says BLOG, I will find the time to do it. If I’m smart, I’ll also be better about prepping for blog posts ahead of time. A thing that as a photographer should be part of our workflow. Being human is a funny tale in being imperfect. And I can tell you many, many tales!

Sawyer wants to show me his fort upstairs.

Sawyer wants to show me his fort upstairs.

Because in addition to sharing photo jobs, and the ongoing 365 project, there are thousands of life moments that may not get seen because they weren’t a thing for pay or they didn’t make the cut for a single photo on a certain day. But life unfolds in front of my camera on a daily basis (even if some of those days are WAAAAY less exciting than others). There is joy and laughter and uncertainty and fatigue and victory and good food and self consciousness and exploding confidence and quiet moments of thinking to capture and possibly share. It doesn’t always have to be for pay. It can be simply to document, and maybe to spread happiness and a little humanity.

Ice cream on a cold day with Molly and Kristina.

Ice cream on a cold day with Molly and Kristina.

I have a project I am currently really proud to be part of. But I can’t share until they do. I want to promise to do so when the time is right. Because capturing people who love their people and love what they do is definitely a thing we could all use more of.

After School time with the niece and my mom.

After School time with the niece and my mom.

There is a belief that people photograph what they are most afraid of losing. I photograph humanity. Even if it’s on a small scale of my family/neighborhood/community/friends/local business owners and non profit organizations. Maybe this challenge helped me see that a little clearer.

So my day 21 features a few photos that didn’t make the cut this year in the world of 365 photo project 2019, but that I want to be seen and shared. Little slices of life, that seem like not much at the time. But when seen with others, it’s a good reminder that these little human moments and exchangers are what end up being full of all the good.

And I’m up for that.

Pool buddy.

Pool buddy.

{Maine Lifestyle Photographer}: Summerfest

If there’s one thing my niece is used to, it’s me following her around with my camera. I have been doing a photo a day project since the first day of 2018, and a photo a week project in 2017. So, that’s a lot of months of me always showing up and having my camera. And often turning it towards her.

I recently went to SummerFest, so of course the camera came out. I never thought about it much before, but at this outdoor celebration of Summer it occurred to me that perhaps at times it might look like she has her own personal photographer following her everywhere.

But how can you not want to photograph this face or that balloon hat?

So, here are a handful of photos taken with the new Nikon Z6 as I followed my niece around while still learning what this new camera can do…

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Darts!

Darts!

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We said hi to our pals Hello Newman.

We said hi to our pals Hello Newman.

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So after glitter tattoos, darts, a train ride, pony ride, saying HI to Hello Newman, kettle corn and fried Oreos, we found some hula hoopers and took turns with their extra hoop. Which was ridiculously fun and also a great test for the new camera and to see what I can get it to do.

Pretty much a perfect Summer night.

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And I have to say, the niece has got some serious hula hoop skills!

365 Photo Project {June}

It’s only July 8th as I sit down to write this blog post and already June feels like it was forever ago. I did a thing this past week for July 4th - I took a semi vacation! There was just so much water to be jumping into and people visiting and offices not holding regular business hours and any other things to help me lose my focus. So, I mostly checked out, and though I meant to do this post several days ago I am glad I tuned out for several days because I think I needed it. So, when I look at these photos from June it already feels like awhile ago because I am climbing out of my little tuned out staycation time warp.

June showed up and then Summer decided to finally get here. It brought sun, rain, out of town visitors, good food, live music, a few late nights, laughter, sweat, dancing, goodbyes, splashing around in water, and people doing awesome things to help and lift others. So, again a pretty good month! And again, thankful for daily photos for the reminders of the good moments that otherwise may not really be remembered because they seemed so simple at the time.

Here is a glimpse at how my camera and I saw June….

6/1.

6/1.

6/2.

6/2.

6/3. Maine Roller Derby Practice | Portland Expo | Portland, Maine.

6/3. Maine Roller Derby Practice | Portland Expo | Portland, Maine.

6/4. Nabil and Scott reunited | South Portland, Maine.

6/4. Nabil and Scott reunited | South Portland, Maine.

6/5. Spry in my kitchen.

6/5. Spry in my kitchen.

6/6. Walk to ice cream with Lisa.

6/6. Walk to ice cream with Lisa.

6/7. Happy Birthday to this guy!

6/7. Happy Birthday to this guy!

6/8. PortFringe rehearsal | South Portland, Maine.

6/8. PortFringe rehearsal | South Portland, Maine.

6/9. Hanging on my brother’s back deck and the Neph needs help with his tie.

6/9. Hanging on my brother’s back deck and the Neph needs help with his tie.

6/10. Home.

6/10. Home.

6/11. Midnight hola hooping because need to get my photo for the day!

6/11. Midnight hola hooping because need to get my photo for the day!

6/12.

6/12.

6/13.

6/13.

6/14. Last day of school for the Neph. He wore his No Colon Still Rollin shirt which is one of the many reasons why he is an awesome human.

6/14. Last day of school for the Neph. He wore his No Colon Still Rollin shirt which is one of the many reasons why he is an awesome human.

6/15. PRIDE PARADE! Portland, Maine.

6/15. PRIDE PARADE! Portland, Maine.

6/16. These cute neighbors.

6/16. These cute neighbors.

6/17. This delicious meal | David’s Restaurant | Portland, Maine.

6/17. This delicious meal | David’s Restaurant | Portland, Maine.

6/18. Reggie | PortFringe | Portland, Maine.

6/18. Reggie | PortFringe | Portland, Maine.

6/19. Neighbors.

6/19. Neighbors.

6/20. At Portside Real Estate’s annual Rooftop REcharge to benefit Girls On The Run | Portland, Maine.

6/20. At Portside Real Estate’s annual Rooftop REcharge to benefit Girls On The Run | Portland, Maine.

6/21. Bayside Rooftop | Portland, Maine.

6/21. Bayside Rooftop | Portland, Maine.

6/22. When Hello Newman and Maine Roller Derby cruise around Casco Bay together | Portland, Maine.

6/22. When Hello Newman and Maine Roller Derby cruise around Casco Bay together | Portland, Maine.

6/23. Sometimes I put on the ancient nifty fifty and find things to photograph at f 1.8.

6/23. Sometimes I put on the ancient nifty fifty and find things to photograph at f 1.8.

6/24. This Summer’s Pool buddy got new goggles.

6/24. This Summer’s Pool buddy got new goggles.

6/25. Some friends visited from NYC, so I photographed her daughter, Lila, while we waited for a table at Eventide | Portland, Maine.

6/25. Some friends visited from NYC, so I photographed her daughter, Lila, while we waited for a table at Eventide | Portland, Maine.

6/26. Lying around waiting for class to start | Tula Studios | South Portland, Maine.

6/26. Lying around waiting for class to start | Tula Studios | South Portland, Maine.

6/27. Brother and niece and my new mirrorless camera | Scarborough, Maine.

6/27. Brother and niece and my new mirrorless camera | Scarborough, Maine.

6/28. Summer floating friends | Auburn, Maine.

6/28. Summer floating friends | Auburn, Maine.

6/29. My dad would have been 79 on this day. So, food and family silliness is how we choose to honor him on this day | Sinful Kitchen | Portland, Maine.

6/29. My dad would have been 79 on this day. So, food and family silliness is how we choose to honor him on this day | Sinful Kitchen | Portland, Maine.

6/30. Fan weather

6/30. Fan weather

{365} Photo Project: May

May. Month 5 of photographing life every day. The month where we all seem to come alive in Maine. I love seeing and hearing neighborhoods with kids getting outside and playing. Bikes come out, sidewalk chalk gets used, people start gathering outside to chat, eat, and laugh. This May was a wet one here in Maine, but my camera and I managed to capture combinations of chilly damp days and the happy relief of getting some sun in our eyes. And, as is always my goal this time of year, I made sure to get by and IN the water.

Eating, hanging out, capturing events, seeing live music, recitals, birthdays, walks to raise money for important causes, traces of shifting seasons, laughing, and even trying indoor climbing for the first time… all got to be part of what made May a pretty busy and great month. Thankful for this project to remind me of the good that continues to happen month after month…

5/1. Thunder and the Niece at the 2nd annual Red Storm Strikes Out Cancer Walk in Scarborough.

5/1. Thunder and the Niece at the 2nd annual Red Storm Strikes Out Cancer Walk in Scarborough.

5/2. This was a delicious and fun meal.

5/2. This was a delicious and fun meal.

5/3.

5/3.

5/4. One of my faves from the month. I love people’s different body language and gestures.

5/4. One of my faves from the month. I love people’s different body language and gestures.

5/5. For years the Neph has been holding an annual bake sale to raise money for The Maine Cancer Foundation. This year he raised money for the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation and for their walk where he was being honored as one of their heroes of t…

5/5. For years the Neph has been holding an annual bake sale to raise money for The Maine Cancer Foundation. This year he raised money for the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation and for their walk where he was being honored as one of their heroes of the year. Pretty cool kid, right?

5/6. Hi Spring!

5/6. Hi Spring!

5/7. Another rainy day, another photo shoot. Kallie from Portside Real Estate at the end of her photo session before we both jumped into our cars and out of the rain.

5/7. Another rainy day, another photo shoot. Kallie from Portside Real Estate at the end of her photo session before we both jumped into our cars and out of the rain.

5/8. These two. Laughing and reading books after school.

5/8. These two. Laughing and reading books after school.

5/9. The Niece turned a whole year older this day. Happy 7th birthday, Button!

5/9. The Niece turned a whole year older this day. Happy 7th birthday, Button!

5/10. Recital Dress Rehearsal. Waiting to go back stage.

5/10. Recital Dress Rehearsal. Waiting to go back stage.

5/11. Family birthday party for this one.

5/11. Family birthday party for this one.

5/12. Mother’s Day. We went out for ice cream with my mom. This one stayed home in her cozy hoodie robe thing.

5/12. Mother’s Day. We went out for ice cream with my mom. This one stayed home in her cozy hoodie robe thing.

5/13.

5/13.

5/14. Someone got a dollhouse for her birthday…

5/14. Someone got a dollhouse for her birthday…

5/15. Small Business Awards. Lots of Mainers doing some great things!

5/15. Small Business Awards. Lots of Mainers doing some great things!

5/16. Only one of these is for me.

5/16. Only one of these is for me.

5/17. The Ghost of Paul Revere and the Perry Brothers playing at the Zachau Construction celebration for 50 years in business | Brick South, Thompson’s Point, Portland, Maine.

5/17. The Ghost of Paul Revere and the Perry Brothers playing at the Zachau Construction celebration for 50 years in business | Brick South, Thompson’s Point, Portland, Maine.

5/18. About to walk for Crohn’s & Colitis. This image cracks me up because every face seems to lead you to another face doing another thing…

5/18. About to walk for Crohn’s & Colitis. This image cracks me up because every face seems to lead you to another face doing another thing…

5/19. My high school pal and I tried this thing and it was only sort of scary and I’m only sort of bad at it. And we laughed about how it’s on land where people maybe partied when we were in school. Maybe.

5/19. My high school pal and I tried this thing and it was only sort of scary and I’m only sort of bad at it. And we laughed about how it’s on land where people maybe partied when we were in school. Maybe.

5/20. Hooligans.

5/20. Hooligans.

5/21. City Hall | Portland, Maine.

5/21. City Hall | Portland, Maine.

5/22. Bikes, books, unicorn castle time, and heart shades for this one on this day.

5/22. Bikes, books, unicorn castle time, and heart shades for this one on this day.

5/23.

5/23.

5/24. My friend’s kid, Maggie is one of the coolest people I know. She plays guitar and violin. IN A GIRL BAND.Maine Academy of Modern Music event | Bayside Bowl | Portland, Maine.

5/24. My friend’s kid, Maggie is one of the coolest people I know. She plays guitar and violin. IN A GIRL BAND.

Maine Academy of Modern Music event | Bayside Bowl | Portland, Maine.

5/25. On this day I met Willard! Then went in the water while my friends floated in a giant unicorn.

5/25. On this day I met Willard! Then went in the water while my friends floated in a giant unicorn.

5/26. MOVIE time with these two.

5/26. MOVIE time with these two.

5/27. Neighborhood artist.

5/27. Neighborhood artist.

5/28. Prepping for this year’s Port Fringe. Keep your eyes peeled for the schedule and be sure to go see Seance on a Tuesday afternoon!

5/28. Prepping for this year’s Port Fringe. Keep your eyes peeled for the schedule and be sure to go see Seance on a Tuesday afternoon!

5/29. The other Beetle.

5/29. The other Beetle.

5/30. Met this handsome guy on a shoot.

5/30. Met this handsome guy on a shoot.

5/31. On a rooftop. Or a boat. Almost doesn’t matter because it’s eat and drink outside season!

5/31. On a rooftop. Or a boat. Almost doesn’t matter because it’s eat and drink outside season!

Ok, May that was busy and fun and now I’m ready for more sunny days by the water!

{Personal}: An LOL Birthday

My niece recently had a birthday. She’s now 7. A few weeks ago there was a small celebration that involved photo booths, fashion shows, cupcakes, unicorns, all things LOL, a ridiculous amount of noise, and me somehow getting trampled by a bunch of giggling kids.

So, that was fun.

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So once I got out of the trample pile, I was able to get back to the task of taking photos and watching my family try to navigate this level of energy with a birthday girl who doesn’t do well with loud noises. One friend decided it would be funny to have a food fight, so naturally I laughed and hoped it would happen for photo sake. But instead she just got frosting on her nose and giggled about that.

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Eventually we went outside, they ran around, and had these handful of sweet moments that I’m glad my camera was there to witness/capture. These are the kinds of images that need to get printed. The snapshots of life and celebrations that you can look back at for years. I know they will want to remember who was there, how they looked (those missing teeth!), but also that very awesome jean jacket with those fantastic patches.

Photos! Or it didn’t happen. Right?

(Not really, I know. But PHOTOS so you can remember what happened :D )

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So, this is not just a post about the niece having a birthday party, but a reminder to capture these moments in life (or hire a professional to do that so you can enjoy and be present) and the final piece of getting your photos printed! It’s important. For many reasons. But only having your life stories in photos on disks and hard drives and phones is not enough.

Trust me.

Friends. xo

Friends. xo